I Don't Know How To Relax And Just Have Fun

By Tawny George

Shared With Permission

These are some thoughts I’ve personally noticed can crop up that are a result of complex trauma and social phobia. Our brains can play these messages in our heads, keeping us from entering into experiences and relationships that could be healing and rewarding. 

Often these stories we tell ourselves aren’t the truth, they’re just narratives we’ve recited either in criticism of ourselves or out of protection for ourselves.

Often it’s hard for those with a heightened nervous system, complex trauma, and social phobia to relax, to feel safe enough in social settings for our natural personalities and positive attributes to come out. Many of us feel the need to use alcohol or other substances to calm our nerves, to stop overanalyzing and just be. “Normalcy” feels out of reach. 

If you’ve felt this way, know that you’re not alone. It’s hard to navigate social phobia and symptoms of complex trauma. Past negative experiences cause us to doubt ourselves and worth, to revert to protecting ourselves from further harm, rejection, or ostracism. 

These actions are trying to keep us safe. 

But they can also keep us alone. And out of experiences and relationships that could bring us joy and healing.

We deserve love, community and to experience life. And others are missing out if we deprive them of that. Of us. Notice the critical thoughts when they show up and realize these are trying to keep you safe. But maybe they’re keeping you a little TOO safe. And if they are, you can gently let them know that you can take care of them, that you’ll protect them from letting bad things overtake you, and that there could be some really good things and people just waiting around the corner for you to experience. 

Are they willing to let you step out and try? Slowly, carefully?

They may end up being really happy that you do.

You are worthy. Of life, of love, of joy, peace, happiness. Of all the things. 

We are worthy. I hope you’re learning to believe that. 

Tawny George is a therapist who writes under the screen name, “boundless and free.” She is most interested in the intersections of mental health, embodiment, and religious trauma.

Want to hear more from Tawny? Be sure to sign up today to hear her session at this year’s Beyond The Wound summit.