Not Everyone's Journey Will Look Like Yours And That's Okay!
By Dr. Laura Anderson
Shared With Permission
Part of healing is learning that others’ process will not only look different than yours, but trusting that they will figure it out for themselves.
Several years ago, in a conversation with a colleague who was freshly into their deconstruction process—and therefore a deconstruction evangelist—we discussed some problematic behavior they witnessed in the post-religious social media spaces. With a sense of genuineness they shared that they felt they needed to speak out so that people wouldn’t be harmed by what certain others were saying.
They asked why I didn’t feel the same sense of passion and my answer was simple: “It’s just that I have to believe that people will figure it out for themselves. My job isn’t to tell them what they must do or believe (or not do or not believe) or who to watch out for—my job is to help people return to their inherent wisdom and figure things out for themselves, regardless of what I do, believe, or where I land on an issue.”
Part of healing is learning that not only will someone else’s process of healing look different than yours but also trusting that each person will figure things out for themselves.
(One caveat: this does not mean that we have to remain silent in the face of abuse or that people should not be held accountable for their actions. Rather, this gives permission to not have to warn everyone about everything, or designate “safe” or “unsafe” people, or set a list of requirements that people must untangle…it allows us to engage with those we are in relationship with, share thoughtful conversation, and offer support even if our processes look very different).
Dr. Laura Anderson, PhD, LMFT is a practicing therapist who specializes in religious trauma. She is also a co-founder of The Religious Trauma Institute and works hard to bring awareness to the topic of religious trauma.
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